It was about the second week in November when I started asking myself, “How did I get here?” It was another difficult day with one first-grader who wouldn’t sit still and was disruptive to anything and anyone around him and another one who…well you know the deal. We have all been there, but on this day the vice president job at the company I left a little over a year ago seemed better than I thought.
Now as I stand in the auditorium waiting for my bus kids to be picked up, I realize that I feel no payoff or reward as a teacher and I don’t think I make any difference in the lives of these children. I knew I wouldn’t be getting pats on my back for a job well done, but I wasn’t feeling like I left the school a little better than it had been the day before.
I had been working with other teachers, administrators, behavior specialists, skeptics, healers and mystics and still the two students I mentioned earlier seemed to be behaving worse. I felt something in my gut that I felt before at my last job and didn’t think it possible that it would happen again since teaching was something I have wanted to do for a long time. I started to feel that maybe this wasn’t for me.
I remember venting to a more experienced teacher about what was going on and she just smiled and nodded at me as if holding a secret that I would learn in time. I went home and cried for a bit and I came up with something. Maybe I needed to take a step back and let the situation unfold and reveal itself. Maybe I needed to wake up and say, “TODAY IS GOING TO BE A GREAT DAY…”
Ever heard of the term, “Fake it until you make it”? Well that was what I was going to do. I was not going to give up and let my fears and doubts of being a teacher shadow my day. I had committed to providing a service and to the best of my ability I was going to provide it. I walked into my classroom singing, “Good morning boys and girls,” and we quickly went into the morning meeting.
I realized at that moment that I was promoted from VP at my old company to Co-President (I share the responsibility with my co-teacher) of a company with 20 six-year olds. I mean we literally hold a morning meeting! I also realized that as President, it was my job to train, guide and step back into the shadows to allow my company to shine.
Of course there were going to be employees who didn’t get it or who broke the rules, but as I knew in business, I couldn’t take it personally and as boss I had to model the correct behavior.
Except of course when silliness was the order of the day and what President doesn’t act silly from time to time… How do you think we keep the company morale up? Wow, who knew that my business background would prove so valuable?
Most importantly I decided to be happy. It was my choice to be here; it was my choice to junk the office job in the rat race and take a leap toward helping the human race. Now in January, I look around at my students and have that same funny smile that the other teacher had. I’m still not sure how I got here, but I am sooooo glad I did!
