SpedBK is a pseudonym for a first-year special education teacher at an elementary school in Brooklyn.
Upon returning to my 6th-grade class after the winter holidays, I was ecstatic. After all, I’m a first-year special education teacher who’d made it through the first half of the year without losing my mind or my job. I celebrated the fact that I had improved at maintaining a work/life balance, differentiating instruction for my students, lesson-planning and successfully avoiding the “perils of the office” (i.e. ornery co-workers, office politics). My newfound confidence radiated as January begun, with even my students noticing my renewed energy and enthusiasm.
Unfortunately, my parade was recently rained on. After reading an article in the newspaper last week about how New York City middle schools are struggling due to lack of experienced teachers, I began to feel like a cruel trick had been played on me. Who was I to think I could come in and truly make a difference when I had no teaching experience? Where was the proof that my students were “really learning”? And with my being a “newbie,” did the impact I made in the classroom, if any, even matter?
As I finished the article, I cringed. Stating that more than half of New York City middle schools struggle due to lack of resources and inexperienced teachers, I felt more like part of the problem after reading this. After all, I came in armed with only summer training, a passion for helping kids and a whole lot of patience…would that ever suffice?
Apparently not, according to this article. While I read I tried to remember what brought me toward teaching and how, even after a tough first year, I continue to persevere. I have even admitted to family, friends and most importantly myself that I feel like this is my true calling. I enjoy the kids, I love sharing information, and this career allows me to be myself. In fact, my personality has been vital in forming a good rapport with my students and earning their respect. Still I can’t help but to feel guilty because I realize they are like my first-year “guinea pigs”; they are getting their education from someone who is focused and intelligent but not seasoned. I am an excellent writer, fast learner and able to relate to my students, all good qualities that work in my favor as a teacher.
The students have admitted many times during class that they feel like they do “real work” and are “really learning something” in my class, which sounds great coming from those who, in my mind, matter most (the students). I reflect often on the things my students have said to me such as, “Miss, I like that you are always fair” and “I remembered what you taught me when I took my exam.” Those moments are real confidence boosters to someone who wants to excel at something they have little solid experience in. But compliments aside, sometimes I can’t help but to think, “You are only 13 years old…How can you know what is best for you?”
My intentions are in the right place but as a first-year teacher with little experience I am bound to make some mistakes. And I don’t want my students’ education put at risk because of that.
I don’t have the answer to my dilemma nor do I feel there is a solution to all of this. Teaching programs to recruit college grads without teaching experience exist because there is a need for teachers. That need has not decreased, no matter how qualified or unqualified the chosen candidates are.
While I cannot change the fact that I wasn’t an education major in college and that my work experience prior to teaching was in the media industry, I can remain confident in knowing that I possess the passion and commitment to teach for as long I am able to.
In the meantime, I always remind myself that I’m a teacher for a reason. And as long as I am teaching, my mantra will remain the same: “Be concerned only with your efforts, the results are up to fate.”
3 Comments:
1 Jackie Bennett
· Feb 14, 2007 at 10:08 pm
If you measure your children only in terms of their test-score point value, as if they were a share of stock, then it is possible that their stock has not kept pace with the stock value of other children in other classes.
Possible.
But that is the way the DoE measures children; it’s not our way — and it certainly does not need to be yours.
In the big picture, we need experienced teachers in all of our schools.
In the small picture, we need you.
2 Leo Casey
· Feb 16, 2007 at 6:48 pm
Teacher guilt is like parent guilt: there are always nagging doubts that you are not as good at it as you could be, and they never seem to go away.
But look at it this way…
If accomplished teachers could be created like Athena, springing fully grown out of the head of Zeus, then one might have good reason for feeling guilty about starting as a novice teacher. But teaching being what is, a extraordinarily demanding and difficult craft which takes real time to be mastered, every great teacher has gone through the period of being the one learning the craft, with real students, that you are now in. If you work hard to be the best you can be, and you stick with teaching once you have become an accomplished teacher, you have every right to be proud of it all — including those moments when you were starting out.
3 phyllis c. murray
· Feb 18, 2007 at 12:40 pm
Out of the Mouths of Babes Often Comes Gems
By Phyllis Murray
One might ask: How can we measure a teacher? What is a teacher anyway? It is said that:”Out of the mouths of babes often comes gems.” Thus, quite often, when we are looking for answers, we must turn to children who sometimes speak, in words and phrases , more eloquently than their elders. Hence, our students crafted their answer based on their first hand knowledge of superb teachers. These students have experienced years of learning in a positive environment with concerned teacher/mentors. This is their story; One only they can tell… from their hearts.
WHAT IS A TEACHER
Written by Bibana ~Ashanti ~~Jamal~~Ellenah
~~Diana ~~John Henry ~~and Mohammed
A teacher is a symbol of learning: a leader of learners and
a miracle to education.
A teacher is an educational god that leads us to goodness
while caring for our learning spirits.
A teacher is the captain of our educational journey; Exact
about everything.
A teacher has the courage enough to teach; And knows mostly
all the answers.
Teachers become our heroic inspiration.
Teachers educate us with all of their knowledge. Smart and
spirited, teachers can make our brains work like computers.
Yet, our teachers can also hold our hands when we need it.
Teachers reach to the sky to get what we need; And exit a
subject just at the right time.
A teacher possesses the academics and grace that we all
love. Teachers care for us in every imaginable way.
Our teacher is the hero in our learning lives.
Education is the key to success. That is what our teachers
have taught us.
Teachers are a class struggle in liberty: Believing in
kids; Reaching out to kids; And instilling pride within all
of us.
Our education is important to our teachers. Therefore our
teachers struggle hard to teach every student: Checking
exams after school; explaining things so they are easier;
And reading to us or teaching us how to read.
Each one of our praises we give. And for everything our
teachers do, we will thank them today, tomorrow and always.
Phyllis C. Murray
UFT Chapter Leader
NB This piece was created by the Fifth Graders of P.S. 75X
to honor their teachers: Ms Sharin Terado, Mrs.Gisella
Montalvo .Mrs Elena Garcia et al. On May 5, 2006,
P.S.75X , received the Pathfinder Award. P.S. 75X has
been designated by the Business Council of New York State,
as one to the 12 most improved schools in New York State.