Don’t Take it Personal

Sometimes it’s so hard to not feel personally insulted when students are bored, or they think an assignment is “dumb.” When this happens, or when a student just refuses to do any work, it sometimes makes me feel personally insulted.

I know I shouldn’t feel this way. I recall being told earlier on in my career – don’t take things personally! However, I have a real problem doing this. I want all my students to like me, listen to me and trust me – but that’s not always the case.

How much trust should students put in their teachers? It seems that when students don’t trust that you have their best interests at heart, then they don’t give you much respect. This lack of respect comes in all different shapes and sizes! I guess trust and respect go hand in hand in my mind. So when they don’t trust, they don’t respect.

Last Friday I stayed late to make phone calls to parents. I was feeling guilty about making the calls for such slight things as talking and coming late to class, especially on a Friday (I didn’t want to ruin anybody’s weekend). But I also felt it needed to be done.

The first call I made was to a student who, earlier in the week, as an absent note, had shown me a court order – just to give you a little of his background. I was calling to discuss his lack of effort and therefore work in class. When he answered the phone and informed me that his parents were not at home I thought quickly. Should I leave him with the message, should I leave any message? He had shown improvement in his attendance, and I didn’t want that to change, so I told him that’s why I was calling. He was short and curt with me, even after I told him I was calling for a positive reason. He said, “whatever, I’m out,” and hung up on me.

I was stunned and felt very insulted. No one likes to be hung up on. When I confronted him about it on Monday, he was just as rude and repeatedly said, “it doesn’t matter.”

“It’s my crib,” he said.

I guess he’s got a point. It doesn’t matter. If he doesn’t care, why should I? How can I not feel hurt? Isn’t it human nature to feel insulted when you reach out to someone and you get that sort of a response?

On the other hand, maybe some sort of a response is better than none. I’ve tried on numerous occasions to talk with a student of mine regarding his lack of effort. He sits in class and does little to no work. He’s not talking or misbehaving, he’s just not working. When I have tried to talk with him he won’t look at me, and he barley responds. I don’t understand what goes through his mind. Going through mines is:
• Is he confused, is he lost?
• Is this class to easy for him and thus boring?
• Is he lazy?

I asked him, again, today why he had not completed, or even begun the writing assignment. His response was, “I don’t like the topic.” He’s a very bright kid, and it bothers me that he doesn’t seem to put any trust in me as a teacher; that he can’t see that everything I ask of him, is only to assist in his learning and will benefit him in the long run.

Since when do students get to pick and chose which assignments they want to do? I called his mother today and am hoping that that will motivate him. I’m at a loss of how to deal with it further and I’m fed up. Other than physically forcing him to do any work,
I’m out of ideas.

There are so many things to keep in mind as a teacher – you never know a student’s background, his or her troubles or their reasoning. There is no easy solution. There’s a certain amount of trust that our students need to put in us. If they don’t allow that to happen, we become powerless.

Are they right to not always trust that what we ask them to do is best for their learning? Should they always do as we ask? Is there a way to get them to learn without getting them to trust you? I sort of feel like there isn’t.

 Print