The ups and downs of teaching have lost most of their momentum and edge since last year, my first year as a special-needs high school teacher in the Bronx. I have learned to prioritize demands, ignore my AP’s often blunt critiques, and gain confidence in my practice.
I tend to be on top of my game with regards to planning, grading, department meetings, IEP meetings, completing paperwork and my master’s coursework. But the ups and downs of my students’ complex lives are what keep me up at night, and I am afraid this will never change.In the last few months, my students’ pregnancies, abortions, assaults on others, being assaulted, failures in their classes, emotional breakdowns and outbursts, violent threats, and drug and alcohol addictions have become the problems of my dreams.
I reflect on new information and do my best to fulfill my role as a caring, problem-solving educator. Sometimes my students show appreciation and even change for the better after we try to deal with the issues. Other times, things get worse, and I refer the problem to someone more capable than I am and hope for the best. I have recently identified one of the variables that keep me going, keep me coming to school day after day.
One day this past week, a student I had last year interrupted my 9th period class and when I asked him to leave, he sucked his teeth, told me to shut up and left. To my surprise, after the door closed a few of my students in the class got extremely agitated and upset about his comment towards me and began to plot their assault if he were to return. After I explained that violence would not solve the problem but only get them into trouble, I smiled inside knowing that they cared about me in the way I cared about them. Their anger at the offending student meant that they realized how much I cared about and did for them. Their vocal thoughts of retaliation were their way of giving back to me. Knowing my kids care about me and would fight for me is one of the variables that keep me coming into work and facing my daily trials.
So even if my students’ problems never cease to keep me up some nights, as long as appreciation is demonstrated in some capacity, I know that I can come into work day after day and educate and help my students as best I can.
