Girl, Let It Go

[Editor’s note: No-sleep-till-Brooklyn is the pseudonym for a second-year kindergarten teacher in Brooklyn.]

How do teachers leave school and immediately leave behind all the agony and pain they endure throughout the day? I’ve never EVER been one of those lucky teachers. Today was especially rough. I came home this afternoon with clenched fists and a burning desire to lock myself in my apartment and never come out . . . ever. How could I forget Meri’s screeching temper tantrum? Let go of my anger when Shaniya stuck her tongue out at me? Accept that Jason will do cartwheels across my rug when he feels like it?

I take teaching personally, and today I was personally attacked numerous times. I blew up. I made my students feel like dirt. I showed them I meant business.

And did that make me feel any better? Not one bit.

I am constantly telling my students, “It’s done. So forget about it.” And I am the worst at taking my own advice.

Today I dragged my feet around the apartment, trying to make up excuses for why I would be quitting with only 50 more days of school. But then I realized that I cannot let these children, this school, these trifle situations get me down. I can’t let them eat at me. So I went for a run, met up with friends, talked with family and didn’t once mention what happened at school. Because really, who wants to relive that kind of day?

And now? I feel shiny and new. Still not excited about tomorrow, but my head is clear and my fists unclenched.

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