Meeting the Teaching Challenge

[Editor’s note: Perseverance2 is the pseudonym for an elementary school teacher in the Bronx who who is starting her second year of teaching.]

Looking back on my first year of teaching, the one word that comes to mind is . . . FRUSTRATION! It was a long, chaotic year. Do I really want to do this again?

Teaching is supposed to be enjoyable, since it is the career that I have always dreamed of. I just completed my Masters Degree and I already feel like I need to retire!

Yes, yes . . . I do love teaching, and I’m almost certain that I always will. However, I want to teach the way that I am learning how to. I need to give each child the same opportunity to learn. I love to differentiate my lessons for each child. How can I do this on a daily basis when all I am required to do is test prep? Not every form of assessment is done through testing. New York City teaching is based around testing. So I think to myself, Deal with it now, and one day you can teach the way the “new generation” is learning.

When I think of the lessons that I created and implemented, I think of how the students were engaged, learning and able to retain the information. I feel proud and that sense of accomplishment that I felt during student teaching. On certain days, I remember feeling angry and I wanted nothing more than to give up.

I know I touched those children and I am confident that I will do it again, but I am completely stressed out just thinking of all of those days that I went home crying and mad at myself and feeling like a failure as a teacher. So many times I wanted to quit. I am not a quitter, and I never have been. I tried all summer long to find a new job . . . one that I will want to go to early in the morning. Yet, I am still getting ready to go back to the same classroom as last year.

The people around you at your workplace make the difference. I hear stories from other people working in schools, and I feel jealous immediately. Wow, she has so much support, she gets compliments on her teaching, she gets school supplies. I spent half of my paychecks last year buying school supplies for the classroom, and I am not sure if I am willing to do that again this year. Other teachers borrow everything that I own for their students. I bought all of that stuff, and the students barely appreciated it.

Everyone keeps telling me that I made it through, so now I can accomplish anything. I believe that statement, now more than ever. When I think back to every stressful day that I encountered, and how much I cannot stand test prep months, I truly think, One day I will be able to teach the way that I have learned to teach! It is extremely difficult to get through the first year, and I am sure the second as well. However, I know that if I did it once, I can do it again.

It should be easier — I already know a million things that I want to change. For instance, everyone always says, be strict from the first day. HA! I was strict, at least I thought that I was. But this year, forget it! I am dictating exactly how I want it from Day One; there is no nice, sweet, innocent first-year teacher. These are the rules, and that is it. I cannot be taken advantage of like last year. If they see you fall once, you will NEVER be able to get back up. This year, I will refuse to fall!

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