Motivating Kids When You Yourself Are Barely Motivated

So, it’s well into my second month of my second year of teaching. And, I’m so overwhelmed.

I am now teaching in a middle school in the South Bronx. I teach 8th grade ELA/Literacy. It seems like I’m struggling everyday to keep the children motivated and focused. I have two classes, and I teach 20 periods of ELA/Literacy a week. The workload doesn’t bother me. I believe that is the norm across the city. I guess I shouldn’t be upset by the fact that I have thirty-five kids in each class. That also seems to be the norm across the city in middle schools.

But, when you factor in the kids lack of motivation, enthusiasm, confidence, and outside factors, your job becomes less about actually teaching content and more about trying to teach skills about self-esteem, courage, and strength…even when you yourself are struggling to maintain those very things in the classroom.

For instance, I have a student and I will call her “Anne Marie”. I think Anne Marie is a bright girl. But, she’s extremely emotionally disturbed. Apparently, she has been dealing with a multitude of issues since 5th grade. I was told about this a week or so into the school year, and that I had to treat her with “kid” gloves. I thought that she warmed up to me early on. Yet, she started acting out in class. She would go off on me, other students, and just run out of the room and roam the hallways. I tried to discipline her, but to no avail. I learned from my boss that Anne Marie does NOT know how to read and write and has never learned. I tried to put myself in her shoes: How and why would you want to be in school if you can’t read or write?? I thought her outbursts were directed at me, and I find out that she’s embarassed and upset by the fact that she can’t read and she’s about to go to high school??

I have several kids who are several grades BELOW grade level in one of my classes. How am I going to teach them the skills they need to not only do well in 8th grade, but prepare them for high school? I don’t know, and I have been struggling with finding ways of doing this to no avail.

In both classes, I have kids who have verbalized to me that they just don’t care about school. I try to explain to them that are many positive benefits to being in school. But, I commonly hear them say that they believe they have no chance of success because they have no positive role models at home. They feel they are neglected by parents and some of them are and others are in very serious and problematic situations.

I have a student who is withdrawn and never speaks in class. I finally asked him what was going on. He told me that he’s dealing with the possibility of being evicted from his apartment. His parents haven’t been paying rent for months because neither of them work steady jobs and aren’t bringing in a lot of money. I didn’t know what to say; I asked him if he had a relative he could live with while his parents straightened out their crisis. He said he already lives with his grandmother and has been for the past year…The past year????? What can you say to that? What can you possibly tell a childabout how to cope and deal who is faced with this kind of family crisis?

I’m an ELA/Literacy teacher who travels. I don’t have a class of my own. In most cases, ELA teachers have their own room. It is a quick way to foster a sense of community with your kids. But, I’m already at a loss because I can’t really establish community with either classes of students when I don’t have a room of my own. I’m constantly shuffling between the social studies, math, and science rooms of the teachers who teach my kids. How does that establish community?

I actually had a student tell me once: “Mister, the principal must not like you.” I asked him why. He said: “You don’t have a room of your own. You don’t even have a locker to put your things in. Clearly, they don’t care about you. So, it’s hard for us to take you very seriously since you don’t have a place of your own in the building.”

I was stunned. He had actually verbalized what I have been thinking for so long–I don’t feel appreciated one bit. I think the administration at my school really didn’t have any idea what to do when I was hired, so I was placed in the hopes of eventually having the schedule even out. It hasn’t yet. I was promised on several occasions that I would have a room of my own, and it never happened. There is a room open on my floor that I actually have a key for, but I can’t use it because it’s going to be used for a detention center. A detention center??? Why can’t that be my room? I can’t even “push into” another teacher’s room, because all teacher schedules are drawn in a way that the rooms are ALWAYS in use. It’s so hard for me to keep my kids on task when they know I don’t have a room. I almost had to have a class in the library becausethere was a class in a room during the period I was scheduled to teach. So, my boss found a temporary room for me to use.

It has been rough. I struggle to motivate myself to come to work. I was out at the start of the year with a severe illness. I was on sick leave for a few weeks. I came back, and found out that apparently many people believed that I wasn’t committed to teaching and that I was faking it. However, I can say that I wasn’t faking it. The constant throwing up and shakes were real. It hurts my feelings that I had to come back to that. I don’t care what people think, but when you have administrators and your colleagues saying those things about you AND you have proof…it’s demoralizing. And, this comes with medical documentation to prove that I under medical care. So, I have been struggling to deal with this as well.

I have also come to the realization that I don’t think the school is a right fit for me at all. Or, that I am NOT a good fit for the school. I think it might have the potential to become a “good” middle school. I just don’t believe that or see that I will be a part of its restructuring and potential turn around. I’m frightened because I love my kids, and I have no idea how to keep them motivated. I worry that given all of the issues they face as middle schoolers in this particular neighborhood, that they may not reach their fullest potential.

I just dont know what to do right now…..