Surviving Parent Teacher Conferences

[Editor’s note: Ms. K is the pseudonym for a second-grade teacher in Brooklyn in her first year of teaching.] 

My first round of Parent Teacher Conferences in November went fairly smoothly. The parents were kind and supportive, and as a first-year teacher, I was secretly surprised by how confident they were in me and my judgment. That was why I wasn’t too concerned about Parent Teacher Conferences this month. I know my 2nd-grade students much better than I did in November, and I know what they are capable of. Sure, I had been a little more critical in the report cards this time around, but I felt I could back up all the number grades I had given with work samples, and all the behavior comments with specific examples. Shows how little I know.

This round of Parent Teacher Conferences felt like being in combat. I had many parents who were disappointed and wanted answers. I had 18 conferences scheduled for Thursday – it felt like a distorted version of the movie Groundhog Day. I sat in the same place having a conversation with one parent and then CUT to the next scene with me in the same place and a different adult across the table with another concern.

The conferences I had ranged from the bizarre to the tragic. I had one mother who pulled out her iPhone and asked if I would mind being on speaker phone with her husband since he couldn’t get out of work. I didn’t feel I could say no. My attempts to explain what was happening with their son were interrupted by him saying, “I can’t hear you, please speak INTO the phone.”

Then there was the mother who refused to get her daughter evaluated, despite years of pleading from teachers and the administration. During the course of our 40-minute meeting, she pulled out a copy of what she said was a writing sample from her daughter’s backpack, with much of it erased and written over. The handwriting didn’t remotely resemble her daughter’s. When I told her that, she told me I didn’t know what I was talking about. She flatly refused to even consider an evaluation for her daughter who has already been held over and who struggles in all subject areas.

Then there were the parents who demanded to know how I came up with a 2 (below grade-level standard) for their daughter in spelling. The mother wanted to know why I hadn’t given progress reports until now, and the father said it felt like the grades I gave had come out of nowhere and were a complete surprise to them. It was only later that I realized I should have said that the whole point of a March report card was to give them a progress report.

I was very surprised by how many parents seemed upset about minor behavior comments. I wrote lengthy comments about each student, many of them glowing. But I learned that some parents react strongly to even slight criticism of their child. During the course of these conferences, I began to doubt my own classroom management skills. As a first-year teacher, I, of course, have struggled with management so it was very likely me and my own management skills that have been the problem.

Overall the Parent Teacher Conferences in March were a huge learning experience. I am not sure how or if I will change my approach next year, but I know that I won’t ever be over-confident again heading into them.