The Difference of a Year

At this time last year I had many dreams about teaching. Not the kind where students leave apples on your desk, where brilliant debates take place seamlessly, or where all students are eager to learn and soak up every single word that falls out of your mouth. No, these were the kind of dreams where you’re standing in a classroom alone, confused and surrounded by screaming kids who have no intention of listening to a thing you have to say. In these dreams you are as helpless as a beetle on its back. A year ago I had these dreams nightly.

I can recall finishing up pre-service training, desperately searching for a job, brushing up on my high school literature and vacationing- hoping to quell my constant thoughts and dreams of teaching. The unknowns of the year that lay ahead of me were quite daunting.

I was excited about a new career and I was thrilled that there were so many new faces and friends to go along with it. I was anxious to begin a new part of my life; I felt curious, anxious and doubtful. More than anything though, I was overwhelmed with a feeling of fear. I was scared to death of stepping foot into a classroom by myself. There were so many aspects of this new job that I did not know.

What would I be teaching? Where would I be teaching? What level would I be teaching? What would be my first day activities? What rules would I choose to enforce as my own? What time schedule would I be assigned? Would I have good administrators? I could go on and on with such questions — and at this time last year, I did.

I distinctly remember my first day. I carried a bag as big and as heavy as a prize-winning pumpkin. I had no idea what I’d need, so I had it all! I think that was how I got through most of my first year — lots of preparation.

Only a few weeks into the year, I wrote the following on my blog:

“After many nights of restless sleep, an infinite amount of unanswered questions, and several failed lesson plans, I think I can finally rest assured that I’m on the right track. Last Monday, things just all of a sudden clicked. Granted, it was only for a day, but finally, after all of my preparation and hard work I really felt like I was teaching. It was a moment I don’t think I’ll ever forget. My first thought was “Wow, I’m really doing this. They’re all looking at me … I thought I would never be able to do this … I’m teaching.”

My first year took a lot of hard work and planning. Early on, these days of “teaching highs” were few. Every day was always different in some way. Now, the difference that one year of teaching makes seems like a thousand. My bag is lighter, literally and figuratively. By the end of the last school year I had gotten to the point where I didn’t have to carry as much and I didn’t have to plan as much, either. With time, came experience and a decline in the amount of unknowns.

I’m going back to the same school this year, which I love, and I’m working with teachers and students that I know. I’m planning a collaborative unit with a social studies teacher, class trips with an English teacher and I have students lined up to assist me in building momentum for a project that my incoming students will be working on. At this time last year, I didn’t even know what a collaborative unit was let alone how to really plan a unit of my own.

Having received my tentative schedule a few months ago, I have had even more of the unknowns removed. I have the luxury of planning ahead and of using unit plans from last year. Of course these lessons, projects and exams will have to be reworked, but instead of spending an hour or two on a Sunday night, I hope I will now only have to spend 30 minutes to an hour refining and preparing.

One aspect of teaching, which you cannot possibly prepare for, is the amazing sense of accomplishment that you are sure to get at the most unexpected moments. Always look at these positives when you’re down or frustrated — because there will be many times when you are. (I encourage any new teacher to read through my blog from last year —there you will see all the ups and downs of my first year of teaching.) These teaching moments, and your student’s smiles and off-hand compliments, although they may seem scarce, will get you through your first year. And if you’re lucky, you will fall in love with teaching like I did.

Being in the classroom is a feeling like no other, and it takes some time to get comfortable with oneself as a teacher. Give yourself that time. Over the course of the last year I learned that who I was in the classroom was very different from who I was outside the classroom. Discovering myself as a teacher was one of the most fantastic aspects of my first year and I’m looking forward to cultivating that persona further.

I can feel the butterflies in my stomach just thinking about my first teaching day last September. And despite having a year under my belt, I feel those same butterflies this year. I’ve got worries, but they’re of a different nature now.

As I begin to plan for my second year, although I’m nervous, I am filled with more excitement than fear.