Mentally, physically, and emotionally I am so exhausted. This week has seemed like one of the hardest yet. Each day has been so draining. I no longer have the energy to encourage or push Matty, Henry, Bill, Stephany or any of the others who need hand holding in order to accomplish anything. I just can’t bring myself to beg, plead and implore each and every student to remain awake, to participate and to complete their assignments.
Do they think the year is already over? Second marking period has now ending and we are coming to the year’s end, but it’s not here yet! So how do I make them realize this, while at the same time keeping my sanity and love of teaching? More than anything I’m very nervous of losing the latter. I want to continue to enjoy my job. I don’t want to turn into a disillusioned and uncaring teacher.
Sometimes I think I put too much pressure on myself. I remember when I was younger, I came home from school one day and my mom asked me, “what did you learn today?” My answer must have been, “nothing,” because I can recall her adamantly declaring, “you should learn something everyday!” Now years later, as a teacher, I feel like I have not done my job if a day goes by and my students don’t learn anything.
Last night I had trouble sleeping. Thoughts of my students and ways of motivating them were swirling through my head. Teaching is such a personal job. It never gets left at the office and sometimes I wish it would. The life of a first year teacher: eat, sleep, teach, eat, think about teaching, sleep, dream of students, eat, plan lessons, teach and so on.
My patience is so thin, I guess I just need a break. It is difficult for me to listen and believe any of their excuses for late work, absences, rude behavior, and foul language. At the end of the day I just end up feeling so disrespected and trampled on. At this point, summer can’t come quick enough. I’m dreaming not only of the time off, but for the late summer day where I am eagerly anticipating being back in the classroom again.
1 Comment:
1 mizwaterfall
· May 17, 2006 at 11:31 am
I know just how you feel. I’m also a first year teacher and am wondering how I’ll last these final two weeks of school. I’ve turned into a complete couch potato at night, and my motivation (and patience) is completely sapped. Insomnia’s been a problem for months. Still, we push on, counting down the days till summer. Good luck, and know you’re not alone!